暴露缺点？
我们都想要在别人的面前展示出自己最好的一面，尽量将自己的缺陷隐藏起来。
但是你知道吗？有科学家证实，如果一个平时表现出色的人偶尔展现出了自己的缺点或者不完美，反而会让其他人产生同情、觉得亲切，进一步增加他的魅力。
比如很多女生都喜欢的人气偶像“小绵羊”张艺兴，外表帅气、舞蹈迷人，但私下却嘴巴笨笨的、总是搞不清楚状况，这种“反差萌”却引来更多粉丝的喜爱。
再比如，那个平时穿着优雅、尽心尽力工作的女神姐姐突然不小心打翻了咖啡，她手忙脚乱的样子不但不惹人厌烦，甚至还让人觉得有点可爱？
在英文中，这种美丽的缺点叫做“Beautiful messes”，它可是具有相当大的吸引力哦！一起来看看这篇有趣的科普文章吧！
Your Flaws Are Probably More Attractive Than You Think They Are
你的缺点可能比你想象的更有吸引力
Over the past year, visitors to the Rubin Museum of Art in New York City have been revealing their deepest fears and wishes. As part of a special exhibit, museum-goers were invited to write down their secrets on small pieces of vellum paper and hang the entries on a wall for everyone to see.
在过去的一整年里，来纽约鲁宾艺术博物馆参观的游客不断地展示着他们内心深处的恐惧与希望。作为一个特别展览的一部分，参观者们被邀请在一小片牛皮纸上写下他们的秘密，而这些纸片被贴在入口处的墙上，让所有人都能看到。
On one side, people posted their anxieties; on the other side, their hopes. Thousands of visitors contributed lines like, “I'm anxious because I'm afraid I'll die alone,” “I'm anxious because I might miss my chance to become a mom,” and “I'm hopeful because life is beautiful and I will feel happy soon.”
在纸张的正面，人们写下了他们的焦虑；在另一面，是他们的愿望。成千上万个游客写下了类似这样的句子：我很焦虑，因为我害怕自己会孤独终老。”“我很焦虑，因为我可能没法成为妈妈了。”以及这样的句子，“我内心充满着希望，因为生命如此美好，我很快就会感受到快乐。”
This exhibit, A Monument for the Anxious and Hopeful, which was on view from February 2018 until earlier this week, was a catalog of anonymous confessions, a place where people willingly exposed their weaknesses and flaws:
而这个展览，名叫“焦虑和希望的纪念碑”，从2018年2月开始，一直展出到本周的早些时候。这是一个完全匿名的记录，人们根据自己的意愿选择在这里展示出自己的弱点和缺陷：
I'm anxious because I don't have a home for my boys.
我很焦虑，因为我没法给我们的孩子一个家。
I've relapsed three times since trying to become sober.
自从我开始戒酒以来，我已经破戒三次了。
I feel like I disappoint everyone in my life.
我觉得我让生活中的每个人都失望了。
These more than 50,000 entries expressed thoughts that many people wouldn't otherwise share publicly due to fear of rejection and shame. But psychological research suggests that such fear can be overblown in people's minds. Often, there's a mismatch between how people perceive their vulnerabilities and how others interpret them.
这5万多个纸条显示了很多因为害怕被拒绝或是羞愧而不愿意公开分享的想法。但心理学研究表明，人们的这种（对自己缺点的自卑、恐惧等）感觉可能被夸大了。通常，人们对自己缺点的感知，和其他人对这些缺点的看法是不对等的。
We tend to think showing vulnerability makes us seem weak, inadequate, and flawed—a mess. But when others see our vulnerability, they might perceive something quite different, something alluring. A recent set of studies calls this phenomenon “the beautiful mess effect.” It suggests that everyone should be less afraid of opening up—at least in certain cases.
我们一般会觉得，如果展示出脆弱的一面，会显得自己弱小、不称职、有缺陷——总之就是一团糟。但是，当别人看到我们的弱点后，他们反而可能会察觉到一些完全不同的东西，这些东西其实是非常诱人的。最近有一组研究称这种现象为“美丽的混乱效应”。这表明，至少在某些情况下，人们可以不必那么担心展示出自己的缺陷。
The researchers—Anna Bruk, Sabine G. Scholl, and Herbert Bless of the University of Mannheim in Germany—found evidence for the beautiful mess effect across six studies involving hundreds of participants.
德国曼海姆大学的研究人员Anna Bruk、Sabine G. Scholl和Herbert Bless，研究了有数百名实验参与者的六项研究后，发现了这种“美丽混乱效应”是存在的。
研究1：想象自己处于尴尬处境？
In their studies, the team asked participants to imagine themselves in a variety of vulnerable situations—such as confessing romantic feelings to your best friend, being the first to apologize to your romantic partner after a big fight, and admitting that you made a serious mistake to your team at work. When people imagined themselves in those situations, they tended to believe that showing vulnerability would make them appear weak and inadequate. But when people imagined someone else in those situations, they were more likely to describe showing vulnerability as “desirable” and “good.”
在他们的研究中，研究小组让参与者想象自己正处于各种无力时刻中——比如向你最好的朋友坦白自己的爱意，或者在和恋人大吵一架之后首先低头认错，或是承认你在工作中犯下了影响整个团队的错误。当人们想象自己位于这种处境中时，他们会觉得这显得他们软弱和不称职。但当人们想象其他人是这样的处境时，人们反而会将这些行为看做是“可取的”和“好的”。
研究2：觉得自己唱歌难听？
In another study, Bruk and her team invited students into the lab and broke them into two groups. Those in one group were asked to sing an improvised song in front of a jury, while those in the other were asked to serve as members of that jury. It was a bluff; in the end, no one sang or judged.
在另外一项研究中，Bruk和她的团队邀请学生来到实验室，并将他们分成两组。其中一组被要求在评委团面前唱一首临时提供的歌曲，而另一组学生就是评委团。然而，这只是吓唬人的，因为到最后没有人唱歌或者发表评价。
But before the participants realized that they were being had, they answered some questions about vulnerability. Those in the singing group saw their anticipated vulnerability more negatively, endorsing statements such as “When I show my vulnerability, other people find it repellant” and “I should avoid showing my vulnerability.” The judges were far more generous when they evaluated the vulnerability of the singers, saying that their singing would be a sign of “strength” and “courage.”
但是在参与者意识到自己被骗之前，他们回答了一些关于脆弱性的问题。在唱歌团队中的人对即将展示出来的弱点的看法更为消极，他们认为“我的（唱歌）缺陷会惹人厌”和“我应该避免表现出自己的缺陷”等说法。然而评委们在评价这些歌手的弱点时要大方得多，他们说，这些人的演唱是“力量”和“勇气”的象征。
Bruk and her team found that when we think about our own vulnerability, it's more concrete and real, because we are so close to it. Under that magnified perspective, our imperfections are clearer. But when we think about another person's vulnerability, it's more distant and abstract.
Bruk和她的团队发现，因为我们离自己的缺点太近了，所以总能更具体、更真实地看到它们。在这种放大的视角下，我们的不完美就更加清晰了。但当我们想到其他人的弱点时，它就显得更遥远与抽象。
Research beyond Bruk's and Brown's generally supports the notion that people tend to admire vulnerability in others.
除了Bruk和Brown的研究之外，其他的研究普遍支持这样的观点：人们倾向于欣赏他人的脆弱。
研究3：“打翻咖啡”的经典实验
A classic example is a 1966 experiment led by the psychologist Elliot Aronson. Aronson and his colleagues had students listen to recordings of candidates interviewing to be part of a quiz-bowl team.
一个典型的例子是1966年心理学家埃利奥特·阿伦森(Elliot Aronson)所做的一项实验。阿伦森和同事们让参与实验的学生们听一段知识竞答比赛的候选人面试的录音。
Two of the candidates appeared smart by answering most of the questions right, while the other two answered only 30 percent correctly. Then, one group of students heard an eruption of noise and clanging dishes, followed by one of the smart candidates saying, “Oh my goodness—I've spilled coffee all over my new suit.” Another group of students heard the same clamor, but then heard one of the mediocre candidates saying he spilled the coffee.
其中的两位候选人答对了大部分的问题，显得非常聪明；而另外两位只答对了30%。接着，学生们听到一阵吵闹声和杯子的丁当声，然后就听到一个聪明的应试者说：“噢，天哪，我把咖啡洒在新衣服上了。”另一组学生听到了同样的喧闹，但接着听到其中一个表现平平的候选人说他把咖啡洒了。
Afterward, the students said they liked the smart candidate even more after he embarrassed himself. But the opposite was true of the mediocre candidate. The students said they liked him even less after seeing him in a vulnerable situation.
之后，学生们表示在这个聪明的候选人让自己难堪后，他们反而更喜欢他了。但那个表现平平的候选人却恰恰相反。学生们说，在看到他处于脆弱处境后，他们更不喜欢他了。
In psychology, this is known as the “pratfall effect.” Responses to someone's vulnerability largely seem to depend on how others perceive that person beforehand. If she appears strong and capable before showing vulnerability, people are sympathetic; the vulnerability is humanizing, like that time Jennifer Lawrence tripped on her way to accept the Best Actress award at the 2013 Oscars. But if the person doesn't seem competent, people are repelled; she really does seem like a mess, nothing beautiful about it.
在心理学上，这被称为“摔倒效应”。人们对一个人弱点的反应，似乎很大程度上取决于对这个人的预判。如果她在表现出脆弱之前表现出坚强和能干，人们会同情她；因为这种脆弱性是人性化的，就像詹妮弗·劳伦斯（Jennifer Lawrence）在2013年奥斯卡最佳女演员奖颁奖典礼上摔倒一样。但如果一个人看起来不太优秀，人们就会产生排斥心理：她看起来确实一团糟，一点也不漂亮。
事情并没有你想象地那么糟
Whether at work or on a date, it seems safest to show vulnerability within a relationship that has some history—in which there is reciprocal sharing and the connection between two people grows in tandem with the disclosures.
无论是在工作中还是在约会中，如果这段关系有一定的年份，那么最安全的做法似乎是适当表现出脆弱的一面——在这段关系中相互分享，两个人之间的联系就随着坦诚而逐渐增强。
When someone shares his hopes and anxieties on vellum paper, or admits to a mistake, or professes love to a friend at a café, that person is doing something risky, but the possibility of being hurt helps open the door to a more genuine, intimate interaction. Things might not work out in the person's favor, but there's still something rare and, indeed, beautiful about the gesture.
当一个人在牛皮纸上分享他的希望和焦虑，或者承认错误，或者在咖啡馆里对朋友表白时，那个人确实是在做一些冒险的事情，但他受伤的可能性，却有助于开启一扇更真诚、更亲密的互动之门。事情也许不会朝着对那个人有利的方向发展，但这仍然是一种罕见的、美妙的姿态。
It's a reminder of the humanity in the faces around us.
它提醒着我们，我们周围的人都是有人性的。
